As some of you know know, and many of you might not, I am the new blogger for Sprout Yoga.
I stumbled upon Sprout’s webpage many months ago and as I was perusing their site, something just felt right. I felt like I was coming home.
Although I claim I started binging when I was dealing with the breakup of my first real relationship freshman year in college, truth be told I can now tell you I’ve had binge incidences since I was very young. A repressed memory that only came out during an intense therapy session, I can now distinctly remember when I was six years old waking up one morning to an empty apartment. I was terrified and lonely, so I went to the kitchen and grabbed myself a bowl of powered milk, something of a commodity in Brazil. I just kept eating it and eating it and my mom came home to a sick little girl.
Now, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression, I had a pretty great childhood. But incidences like those, as rare as they might have been, are stored in the brain and the body . The feelings of abandonment and loneliness I felt when my boyfriend and I broke up triggered the same feelings that little girl felt over a decade before. It also didn’t help I was feeling very insecure of my body and had surrounded myself with friends with unhealthy relationships with food. I fell into a downward spiral of binging, starving, over exercising, and binging some more. I decided early on in this vicious circle to go to therapy and although it helped me identify the source of my struggles and why I went to food for comfort (because as we all know, eating disorders are never really about the food), I still had my binges. I still felt my waistline expand. I still hated myself.
It took years before I realized that although therapy helped verbalize what I was feeling, I still wasn’t really in touch with my body. That’s where yoga came in. I first went to yoga I because I was bored and had nothing to do. But I found myself going time and time again, even when my schedule got hectic. Eventually I found myself loving the yoga philosophies of breath, connection, openness, compassion, and trust. As I began to respect my body, it started respecting me back. For the first time I started viewing my body as a partner in this path of life rather than a slave.
The most transformative lesson I learned through yoga and therapy is that I have a choice of how I view my binge eating disorder. I can either see it as a curse, and wallow in my misery for the rest of my life. Or I can view it as a way of learning more about myself and using it as a stepping stone for mindful presence.
I decided to undergo yoga teacher training because I knew I wanted to share this magical connection I have found with others. I want to give those with food issues an option. A way out. A little strand of hope that you do not have to suffer forever. That there really IS a light at the end of the tunnel.
Now, let me level with you. I am not telling you this from a place of total “healing”, whatever that may be. I still struggle with loving myself, loving my dysfunctional relationship with food, and loving a life that has given me this obstacle. I am much further than I was those dark days of college. But I still have an exciting road ahead of me. And I wouldn’t trade it all for the world.
So why am I sharing all this with you?
Well because I want you to know that you are not alone. I am right there with you, cheering you on, spreading the light, and providing you a platform for you to find hope again.
I want this blog to be source of healing. A place that you can come and read words of those who are right there along with you. Body image warriors who advocate that there is more to life than looking a certain way. Recovered anorexics who can give you guidance and reassurance. Therapists who know techniques for when you are at your worse state. You’ll hear from Maggie, our wonderful founder from time to time, as well as Sprout teachers from around the country. There will be videos, essays, poems, and factual pieces about new legislation and scientific discoveries of the world of yoga and eating disorders. A little bit of everything!
That is what I aspire for in this space. I hope you all enjoy our time together.
If you would like to contact me for more details on how you can help Sprout, if you would like to contribute to the blog, or if you just want to say hi, my email is -email@example.com